The NonAdventures of a Very Boring Elf
by Daethule
Summary: The Hobbits figure that with such a long life, Legolas has more time to have more adventures, right? Wrong!


Disclaimer: don't own it, don't wish I did, cuz then all the fan girls would come burn down my house. (:

The Non-Adventures of a Very Boring Elf

The Fellowship was resting in a small glen a mere two-day's walk from Rivendell. Gimli the Dwarf sat next to Aragorn, both of whom were sharpening and polishing their weapons. Gandalf leaned against a tree nearby with his eyes closed and a look of deep concentration on his face. Boromir was cleaning his horn and Legolas stood nearby, examining the trees around them and occasionally laying his hands on one. The Hobbits sat in a small knot, talking quietly amongst themselves, and throwing a quick occasional glance at one or another of the other Fellowship members.

Finally the four Hobbits rose and moved slowly towards the only elf of the Fellowship, Frodo and Sam hanging back slightly so as not to look too conspicuous.

Legolas held his back to the Hobbits and his concentration on the tree before him, but was interrupted by the soft clearing of a throat and a small voice.

"M-mister Legolas, sir?"

The Elf turned and smiled kindly upon seeing the Hobbits. "Yes?"

"Well," Merry began slowly, "since we were all just sitting here resting, and it's all quiet and all, with nothing for us to do—"

"We were hoping you would tell us a story…or—or something," Pippin finished lamely.

"Seein' as how you're the only Elf here an' all, sir, and with lots of years to live and all, we figured that you would have plenty of interestin' things to tell," Sam piped in as Frodo nodded slightly beside him.

After a short moment of silence Legolas suddenly burst into merry laughter, and the Hobbits felt their ears turning red. "I would love to, master Halflings—" they eagerly took a step closer "—but I must admit there is really nothing to tell."

Their faces fell. "Nothing at _all_?" Pippin asked in disbelief.

"I suppose your folk would consider life in my home in Mirkwood very boring," Legolas replied. "What stories there are are warriors' tales, and not meant for young ears."

"Come now, surely you have some tale you can treat us with, some scar to show for all your years of fighting," Merry entreated.

Nearby, Aragorn looked up from the small dagger he had been sharpening. He had heard the entire conversation; why had not the Hobbits come to him for a tale? He certainly had a multitude of them from his sixty plus years as a Ranger. He cleared his throat and casually rolled up his right sleeve, revealing a long, jagged scar that ran halfway down his forearm.

Legolas laughed again at the Hobbit's question. "Forgive me, but I have rarely been wounded in battle, and never have I scarred."

Aragorn cleared his throat again, a bit louder this time.

"How about poison? Ever been poisoned?" Pippin asked excitedly. "I've heard that Orcs often use poison on their weapons! And there are those gigantic spiders! Ever been bitten by one of them?"

"I am terribly sorry to disappoint you," Legolas laughed, "but I have never been poisoned, nor bitten by the spiders."

Aragorn coughed this time, and grasped his stomach as though it pained him. Gimli looked at him oddly. "Are you alright, laddie?" Aragorn ignored him with a roll of his eyes.

"Can you read minds?" Sam suddenly asked, eyes wide. "I've 'eard of Elves that can see what you're thinking!"

"And see the future!" Pippin put in.

Aragorn looked down and resumed sharpening his dagger.

"Nay, I have not the gift of Sight, as do the Lady Galadriel and Lord Elrond," Legolas answered.

"Oh." A moment of silence, then, "Have you ever died?" from Pippin.

Legolas burst out laughing again. "My friends, where do you get such ideas?"

"They say that the lord Glorfindel was killed and reborn!" Merry defended his younger cousin.

"Ah, yes, Master Meriadoc, but Lord Glorfindel is…special. Not all Elves who are killed are reborn, or returned to life," Legolas explained.

"Well…if not death, then how about life?" Sam queried, growing bolder.

"Pardon?"

"You know," Merry elaborated, seeing where Sam was going with it, "with such a long life, and so many years for stuff to happen…"

"You must have dark, painful secrets about something," Pippin finished, not bothering to mince words.

Legolas sighed. The game was beginning to get out of hand. "I can honestly think of nothing."

"C'mon," Pippin exclaimed, growing exasperated, "you can't tell me that you've never had a love end tragically, in all your yea—"

"I _can_ honestly say so, Master Hobbit, and I did," Legolas interrupted.

Nearby, Aragorn inconspicuously leaned forward as if to retrieve his scabbard from the ground, causing his Evenstar necklace to fall out and rest on the top of his tunic.

"And you should not so lightly intrude into other's personal lives," Legolas continued. "Not all shall be as free as mine, and they shall not appreciate you doing so."

Aragorn nodded as if in agreement.

There was a small moment of silence before, "How about your mother?"

"Pippin!" Merry exclaimed, jabbing his cousin in the ribs, as Legolas rolled his eyes heavenwards.

"Well! I was just wondering if she still lives! Just curious, you know," Pippin defended himself.

Aragorn made a show of polishing his ring of Barahir.

"Nice ring," Gimli commented, wondering if that was perhaps what the Ranger was waiting for. Aragorn only harrumphed, returning to his dagger.

"What makes you ask such a question, young one?" Legolas responded with a sigh.

"Well, of all the times Bilbo's told us the story of his great adventure, he never once mentioned any Queen of Mirkwood."

"Yes, she still lives, and is well," Legolas said.

"Then why did he never mention her?"

"My mother is a Healer—one of the best in Mirkwood—and always remains quite busy," Legolas explained. "It is likely that Bilbo never even saw her the entire time he was in Mirkwood."

"Oh."

"What about you?" Sam piped up. "He never mentioned you, either. Were you even born at the time?"

To their surprise, Legolas burst out laughing again. "Dear Hobbits! That was not even eighty years ago! I was likely out on patrol most of the time, or leading a few of the hunting parties. Bilbo would not have recognized me as the son of the king."

The Hobbits were looking quite crestfallen by now, so Legolas smiled at them. "Now, as I said before, I have nothing interesting to tell you. Why do you not ask somebody else? I am sure that at least one of the others has a few tales to share." He glanced meaningfully at Aragorn. The Elf had not been blind to the other's actions.

"Ever had a pet Oliphaunt?" Sam tried desperately.

Legolas laughed gaily again. "My friends, please!"

"Alright, alright, just checking."

The four Hobbits collectively turned in Aragorn's direction. The Human smirked happily, straightening his tunic and opening his mouth to speak. However, he was beaten to it by the Hobbits.

"Master Gimli!"

THE END

Hope you enjoyed! I got the idea from the book in the Two Towers when Legolas tells Aragorn that the Human is more traveled than him or something like that.

Reviews are more than welcomed, as is constructive criticism, any thoughts you may have had on this or my other stories, etc. Havinadah!


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